I’m currently working on chapter four of Raison D’etre. On Saturday, my plan was to complete at least two chapters that night, but something came up and I didn’t have the chance to do that. So yesterday I completed chapter three, had gotten tired ad told myself I’ll work on chapter four today, which is what I’m currently doing.
I might include part of chapter one on here so people can view it. However, I will not be doing this anytime soon. Most likely when I have at least twelve chapters finished I will be doing that.
The title of this entry has nothing to do with what I’m getting ready to type. It’s just that it’s my favorite lyric from the song Unknown Soldier by Breaking Benjamin. And I couldn’t resist typing it. ^^; The song is below for those who want to give it a listen.
So anyways let’s move along shall we? I’ve been contemplating rather or not I should post this or not, but I decided just to go ahead and type it without revealing too much information. Okay. There is this guy that I sort of like, who is Asian, which explains the tag being ambw. He seems like a very nice guy (and a bit of a pervert as well, lol) and I do enjoy my time talking with him whenever we do talk. I met him on a website known as OKCupid (I felt so awkward and nervous to type that -_-;). When browsing the website, I decided to send him a message because I thought he was cute and I liked what he wrote on his profile. He was the very first person that I ever sent a message too, normally I get a ton of messages from other guys but I had never been the one to initiate a message, because I was afraid that I wouldn’t get replied back to and I didn’t want to go through a rejected message. When sending him the message I wasn’t expecting anything back from him, but surprisingly he replied back. We chatted on there for a while until he finally ask if I wanted to text or something like that. So I gave him my number so he could text me. And he did eventually later that day. We text for a long time and all night into my birthday, which was last month. Then we talked on the phone for a bit. I really enjoyed talking to him, even though he made me kind of nervous.
Moving forward I started wondering if he was really into me or not. I started thinking that there was only mainly one reason why he was talking to me, which I won’t reveal on here since it’s private to me. However, I’m a self-conscious person when it comes to the opposite gender. When it comes to appearance wise and etc. And this guy, as much as I like him, told me that he really likes me but he can not justify himself dating someone who does not have a job or a car (which I do not have either) and then had the nerve to tell me that I have no have goals. I’m a very reasonable person, calm and respectful person who rarely becomes mad, but that statement he made really made me mad. For someone who barely knows me and basically tells me that I have no goals really had me riled up. For a bit of explanation, I am currently in between jobs, and I do have my license, I just don’t have a car. My life is complicated and it’s hard for me to get where I want to be currently. He does not know this and I have not explained that to him because it’s private and I do not know him well enough to tell him. Anyways, it took me a while to respond to him because I didn’t want to say anything rude back to him, so I waited sometime to cool down before I finally replied. He didn’t reply right away and I assumed that he wouldn’t, but eventually he replied back. I explained to him how it mad me kind of mad, but I didn’t get an apology e_e but I figured it was because he was only voicing his thoughts in what he assumed was true, that I have no goals, when in fact I do. Eventually to told me that he has no problem dating other girls in the meantime and that once I find myself a boyfriend and breakup with whoever I’m dating and something else that won’t reveal on here because it’s private, he told me that he would date me then, which also shocked me, because in my mind I was thinking to myself “How does he know I would have a break up with my next boyfriend?” and how rude I thought that was. In all honesty, I do like him, but there is a part of me that wonders what type of person he really is and if he is judgmental or not. He is the first guy that I have spoken to on there who is bothered by my disposition and I can understand. He kind of made me feel bad, but I know it wasn’t his intentions, he seems like an honest guy which I admire in anyone. I’m in the middle of wondering if I were to have the things he wants in a girl and we were to go out, would I really like him or just consider him as a friend. ;shrugs; I’m not really sure. The point of this that I do like him, even if he makes me kind of mad at times ;u; But I have a feeling that he could be judgmental, which is one thing that I don’t like in a guy or any other person in general. But everyone knows what they like, and everyone can’t live up to the expectations of others. And I am no exception to this. I just wish that I understood guys a bit more than what I do now, to get an understanding on a few things.
A part of me wishes that I did have a boyfriend. I have been single for almost eight months now. My previous boyfriend was one for two years. At first, I wasn’t interested in dating anyone. However, as of lately I would like to date. But I feel as if I’m not in the position to date anyone, because I don’t have a car. Which sucks. I’m planning on buying a car sometime next year. I hope. Since I said the same thing earlier this year for the Fall and never did get one ;u; I’m hoping that next Valentine’s Day won’t be a lonely one for me, lol. :3
Besides all of that, I went on my very first date last night. It was a double date. I was gone for most of the night, I didn’t get home until close to 3am and I really had fun. However, as much as nice as my date was, I wasn’t into him as far as dating. But I could see myself being friends with him. During the entire date I was kind of shy and nervous, because I wasn’t used to that sort of thing. I’m so lame ;u; lol. My best friend and her boyfriend were the other date, and it was her boyfriend’s friend who was my date. I knew that my friend and her boyfriend probably wanted me to date his friend and told me that they weren’t pressuring me or anything, but I kind of felt pressured x.x With them trying to get us to hug, hold hands and kiss and other stuff. It was kind of awkward for me, especially since I wasn’t really into the guy in that way. ;u; Overall, the places where we went was really fun!
Okay. So this is how it goes. My thinking process isn’t exactly always very focused. I’m prone to becoming easily distracted when I become bored, or I don’t really well like doing something or another. My short attention span can be quite irksome at times. These distractions normally come about when I’m working on my novel, have an assignment that is due, or other various small things.
When I was younger, what would easily grab my attention was the television. It was as if I were in another world and I would block out everything surrounding to the point where I would be so zoned in what I’m watching, that I wouldn’t hear anyone talking to me, even if they were sitting right next to me. To be honest, I’m still kind of like this when it comes to certain shows.
Currently, while working on my novel I find myself drifting to signing in my dA account, watching television or doing something else that I shouldn’t be doing, when I should be working on completing my novel. There are only a few artists that I can listen to while working on my novel, that wouldn’t distract me. One in particular is Enya. I love her music. And it really does help. Sometimes UVERworld and Breaking Benjamin may help, but overall it’s Enya.
So, as I’m typing this, I’m hoping that once I finish this I will be able to focus on completing at least two or three (most likely two) chapter today without any distractions.
So there are two Snow White movies that are coming out soon. Mirror, Mirror with Julia Roberts, who is playing the Queen and Snow White & The Huntsmen (I think that’s what it’s called), with Kristen Steward playing Snow White. I’ve seen both trailers and they are both equally different. One seems one the comedic side and the other one seems a bit more serious. From what I saw, I plan on seeing the one with Kristen Stewart, because it seems more appealing to my taste. Mirror, Mirror seems to be geared towards younger children to me.
I am loving my new layout. I still have to write a few things to fill up certain sections, but so far so good! The only downside is comments. I’m afraid no one will be able to comment my entries, unless I figure out a way to add in a comment link or something. I’m still figuring this out. Why hadn’t I thought of this before? DxProblem fixed! You can now comment my entries. :3
On other news, I haven’t been feeling too well. Headaches and feeling pretty sluggish lately, which sucks. Because of this, I have been moving extremely slow with my novel and my thinking process hasn’t been helping me very much when it comes to completing the chapter I’m currently have been working on for nearly a week now. Managing to pull through the first draft of my novel had been a challenge, but I didn’t give up. And I don’t plan on giving up on this second draft either.
I enjoy blogging, but I notice that my entries lag a lot. Plus I can be a rambler and it doesn’t really show in some of my entries, because they are so short. ^^;
Oh, I also have twitter now. However, I’m not that good of a twitter ;u; my tweets are random lol. But if you are interested in following me, just click this link —> Twitter
Lately I’ve been listening to Complication by Rookiez is PUNK’D a lot on repeat on my Grooveshark account. It’s a DRRR! opening. At first I never really paid it very much attention when I would hear. Then I decided to really listen to it and I fell in love with the song. Just for fun, here is the music video to the song.
I’m so behind on the music scene @o@ I really don’t know what’s out or anything. I am a fan of both Nickleback and Daughtry, and I had no idea that they had new CDs out. Dx I normally listen to whatever I catch on TV or hear online. I’ve been sticking to what I already know.
So this concludes my random post. I would continue, but to be truthfully honest, my mind isn’t currently very focus and if I continue to type it may be a lot of randomness, lol. So I better end it here. xDDD
While signing into YouTube a few minutes ago, I noticed that someone who I have subscribed to had liked a video that seemed interesting titled “Black lifestyle” in Japan. So, I decided to watch it to see what it was about. It’s basically about a Japanese woman named, Hina–who has an affinity for the black culture and goes to tan regularly to have the appearance of someone who is black. Here is the video for those who are interested in watching it:
That’s how my mind feels as if it’s operating lately. I’ve been trying to accomplish everything at once, treating my novel and other things as if there is a deadline that’s right around the corner. I haven’t set aside the time to finish playing the other alternate endings of Catherine, watching Michiko to Hatchin (a series that I have been wanting to watch for two years now), or studying more of the Japanese language. And it’s all because I’ve been desperately trying to finish my novel.
There is no time limit or anything, but I would like to have it finished by the end of December, because I plan on publishing it early next year. Possibly sometime in January if not February.
I feel as though I need to relax for a few days, which what I plan on doing. Currently as I’m typing this, I’m working on my novel. I only had 1837 word count for the first chapter, and I would at least like 2500 for each chapter, so I went back and started add more details on certain parts. Hopefully I’ll be able to accomplish the 2500 word count goal for each chapter. I’m already half way finished with the second chapter.
On a side note, I was thinking of maybe showing my first chapter online to get feedback from others. Most likely I’ll do this on dA, because I’ll most likely have a better chance of getting feedback on there than on here or on FictionPress.
It’s no secret that I’m a fan of Anna Tsuchiya. The very first time I heard of Anna was when I began watching the NANA anime.
She sings for Nana Osaki’s character, who is apart of Blackstones. Ever since hearing the song “Rose” I’ve been a fan ever since. So I decided to look more into her music. When exploring her different songs, I found myself falling for a new favorite singer and slowly but surely, Anna Tsuchiya became my new favorite singer. Her music ranges from edgy rock to pop genre. Not only is she a singer, but a model and actress as well. However, she is semi-retired model. Her singer voice is somewhat raspy, and recognizable to her fans. Her sense of style is unique and something that I admire. Sadly, I have yet to see the movies she has been featured in, particularly “Kamikaze Girls” and “Sakuran“. Anna has stated herself that she is a very nasty person, however, she has been referred to as a very good-hearted and open-minded person.
She has been involved in a lot of controversy over the years in her career. From speaking improper language, saying rude things about people, even introducing the High School Musical movie and the cast rudely, particularly Zac Afron who was referred to as “fancy haired main actor” (I’m still trying to find out information about this and what exactly she said x.x I can’t find anything about it online so far), notable incidents on radio include her remarks on the Ijuin show about the band TVXQ, she described the band as “ano Chugoku ka dokka no bussa na kama yoningumi” (roughly meaning “that four ugly faggots from China or somewhere”) when the band actually consisted of five members and are from South Korea. But throughout this all, I am still a fan of hers. It shows she’s a “I don’t care what you think, I’ll say what’s on my mind” type of person. And I admire out-spoken people, to a certain extent that is. Nevertheless, I think she’s a very talented person and I will always be a fan of Anna’s.
Here are a few songs of hers that I enjoy listening to:
So after spending a few hours thinking of a plot, I’ve finally thought of one! The general idea follows an organization who goes about recruiting members with special talents. The mild summary here is very vague on my part. ^^; Sorry about that. I just didn’t want to give away too much without spoiling the story. The point is that I have an idea, and I’m starting on building it on up right now.
The title will remain the same, because I cannot simply throw out that title, because I love it too much. xD
On a side note, I really need to start thinking of creative titles for my blogs @o@
I am in quite the dilemma here, and it is starting to become quite frustrating. As you all may or may not know, I have started on my second draft of my novel—originally titled “Liberation”— and I’ve reached chapter three of the draft. However, I have been thinking for the past three days now that I should change the concept of the story. It will remain fantasy, but I am thinking about changing the paranormal aspect of it. The first draft covered the tale of grim reapers. This second draft is about three paranormal hunters. To be quite honest, I do not think I could handle covering different tales of mythical creatures, demons and ghosts for various chapters.
Therefore, it had me thinking, I should change it into something else. I have no problem with starting over the second draft. I just need to think of a new concept. My three main characters, Molly, Roman and Haine—who were also in the first draft (with the exception Molly’s name was Momoko)—will still be in a love triangle. However, this love triangle does go all ways. You see, there is some one-sidedness included, as are most love triangles go. Molly loves Haine, Haine loves her back, whereas Roman is in love with Molly—his childhood friend—unfortunately, she is unaware of his feelings. Then there is Aero—Haine’s older brother figure (who is also a grim reaper), he will still be in this second draft and have the same personality as he had in the first draft. His role in the story is neutral, meaning he is not good nor is he bad. He fights who what he believes is right, rather it would be considered wrong or not. However, when it comes to Haine, he is quick to defend him in whatever the cause is.
Now how can I change this paranormal concept? Well I need to think of a good plot. Nothing is 100% original as we all know, but I would like something of my story to be original and different. The paranormal hunters would have been different, but I know I would not be able to pull it off for very long. Heck, I am currently at chapter three edits and I am stuck at what to write. Maybe I should build my own world. I like to do that, however it would be quite hard for me to describe this world and the towns, etc.
Here are a few of ideas that I am currently thinking about: – Underworld – Mass murderer who falls in love – Exiled princess/or prince (this may or may not fall under the Underworld concept) – Arranged marriage – Taken place in the past (1900s, 1800s, so on) – Assassins – Mafia/Gangs of the supernatural – Fantasy romance Those are just a few ideas. However, the title my story will still match with the characters emotions and desires. However, I just need a concrete plot to build, which I do not currently have. What I am trying not to do is a story based in high school. My first draft was based in high school for the first half of the book, until graduation came. I suppose I should clear my head before I actually start on anything. I will be sure to give any updates of any new changes that will come. 🙂
Hello~☆彡 Did you lose your way through cyberspace? Well, you've come to the right place! Welcome to my blog. My name is Panda Ninja. Feel free to call me Panda or Brittney, which is my real name. I am 23-years old. I am an author of BANDIT. Some of my interest include, Asian culture, jrock/jpop, anime/manga, video games, fashion, movies and dystopian novels. I am obviously fluent in English and I am proficient in 日本語.
Hello~☆彡 Did you lose your way through cyberspace? Well, you've come to the right place! Welcome to my blog. My name is Panda Ninja. Feel free to call me Panda or Brittney, which is my real name. I am 23-years old. I am an author of BANDIT. Some of my interest include, Asian culture, jrock/jpop, anime/manga, video games, fashion, movies and dystopian novels. I am obviously fluent in English and I am proficient in 日本語.
Panda Ninja 
